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masankha
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Name: Jonathan
Location: Clovis, California, United States
Gender: Male
Expertise: OH we love to dry our socks!
We put them in a box
We eat lots food
And then we're in a good mood
OH our socks get shocked
and that totally rocked
We eat as much as a cat
and then we feel very fat!!
OH we're the mighty mighty ponies
the mighty mighty ponies
We are no phonies!
we're the mighty mighty ponies!
Occupation: Executive
Message: message me
AIM:  dattebay0o
MSN: masankha@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  masankha
Member Since:
2/6/2004
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| Xanga... you're a fucker.
i hope you know that.
You put me in a position to abuse you in our relationship. You are an enabler and i fucking hate you for it...
but what would i do if i didn't have you?
you're like... the white vail...
people can see if they really look, but they have to want to look first....
But the world is going to hell once more...
fuck i know
shut the fuck up, bitch...
Here's the thing...
lauren is going to a new school tomorrow...
3 hours away...
I know how much i miss her in three weeks of not seeing her... this is going to be shit..
and school is starting... and frankly...
i'm done with school...
i don't want to go to state...
I don't want to go to college....
I'm almost in love with the thought of just... working... as a farmer.
I love working with my hands...
But i don't want to regret it later...
I also don't want to walk away from something that i can never say that i TRIED at...
but failure is such a waste of time.
I don't want her to leave...
i have 3 spaces to fill, and 4 boxes in my arms...
I'm going to have to drop something...
Let me stand on my feet...
Let the wave wash over me...
My soul is dark and chill
But it has always been like that...
grr... I'm not that stereotypical.
Think of a beach... with just you on it...
what does it look like...
in great detail...
that's your soul...
Mine has always been at night...
There is a cool chill
only the sound of the waves...
and nothing around but the dark that encircles me...
fuck your sunny beach...
I'm fascinated with the the power of a single bullet
shot gun to the face, bitch.
<3 | | |
| why am i so angry?
I mean.. not right now..
I'm fine...
But... deep down.. i have like... this little box..
i mean..
think tiny...
but inside this little box...
this little tiny box..
is so much hatred...
I remember that box always being open
letting all of its contents flood and consume my soul
i let it wash over me
protect me from the world around me
and no one could touch me.
And then this girl came and stood next to me
didn't even look twice
because, come on... why would anyone want to actually want to talk to me? Actually have feelings for me?
only to hurt me of course ...
so i ignored her..
but she still stop there... and tried to hold my hand
well, fuck that, so i pushed her away...
and then she came back..
stood next to me...
and tried to hold my hand...
god damn it, i wanted to be alone, but she wouldn't get the fuck away from me...
and for a year and a half she stood there...
talked to me
told me her name
her wants
her needs
and that she loved me...
...
what ever
i told her to get away
i warned her
but it didn't matter..
she was going to leave just like the rest of them..
but she was sneaky...
for with in that year and a half... she had been slowly, without me noticing, closing my little box...
and then she did it...
she slammed it shut with a kiss...
chained it up
sat on it
smiled at me
and threw away the key
i was in love...
fucking son of a bitch
i told myself i would never have this happen to me...
and now here i was... completely vulnerable..
and yet.. here was this girl...
smiling away as if she had finally got what she had always wanted...
she had this... sense accomplishment... all about her...
so... incredible... sneaky....
and then... it happened...
i smiled too...
for 2 years i could not stop smiling...
i mean... fuck...
if THIS was how love felt...
then i must have been doing it all wrong in the past...
it was... completely hilarious... i still laugh about it...
hahaha, if THIS is what love was...
if THIS is how love felt...
omfg, hahaha, then i have only been in love once...
with this girl...
hahaha
it was an amazing feeling
aaaanndd... then as you can see...
she kinda got off that little box... and walked away
and this box... started to shake
O_o...
fuck...
have... have i been so weak this whole time?
was it only because of her i was able to be happy?
and the box
it started to open
but i knew i didn't... couldn't live like that again
so i ran over to it
and slammed it shut
but it still pushed against me
and hated once again began to seep out the cracks.
fuck fuck fuck!
I began to panic
i didn't know what to do
so i picked up this box
and ran to go find this girl
and there she was... standing there...
i asked her to please help me..
i needed her to close this box again..
and she said she would..
but something was different...
she... looked so disinterested...
i knew she didn't want to be there any more...
and... i couldn't bare to watch her be miserable any more...
so i let her go...
i had to...
i loved her to much...
....
so i walked away...
with my little box...
and i found a spot... away from anyone...
and set this box down...
and it stated to unravel itself...
the chains of which she put on started to fall
and i closed my eyes waiting to be consumed once again...
I began to cheris my last loving thoughts of her
for i knew after this... there would be no more...
i could feel myself slipping
my heart beginning to stop
my soul once again being consumed by hate...
and then my eyes opened...
something...
wtf...
something's wrong...
no... not wrong..
something's different...
i feel it... my pride...
my strength..
but something's different...
i still love her...
but not only that...
I'm standing on my own...
my heart... it's beating faster than ever...
there's a fire...
DO YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM!?
hahahaha... do you KNOW who the FUCK I AM?!
I'm fucking amazing, i'm fucking incredible!
I know what i want...
and i want her...
hahahahaha
this feeling of power
of strength
this is me
hahahaha, omfg
this is all me.
I'm standing on my own
And i know what i want
and i'm going to get her...
i'm going to get her back
or else i'm going to die trying.
....
I know who i am....
It's so simple...
face forward
move slow
and forge ahead...
I'm going to get her...
hahaha, i'm going to find the girl who i fell in love with
the only girl i have fallen in love with
I don't lose...
not now...
and thus i begin my journey
and i'm leaving it all behind...
that little box...
and all the shit i crammed into it...
goodbye
<3
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| I feel...
as if the shackles and chains have broke...
my heart is free...
no more questions
to more fear...
I feel as a new leaf as turned and it kicked a lot of ass while doing it's cute little flip...
i love you, my new little leaf. | | |
| =)
and just like that.. i'm back
You can't keep me down...
Sure, i may have let my guard down
well... not even that...
I was taken by surprise
If my guard HAD been down... i would be dead right now...
no questions asked..
there's just no way
But i'm back on my feet
sure... my legs still may be a little shakey
and my right knee may give out every so often
But at least i'm standing =)
Now let's kill that bastard
....before i die myself | | |
| I just have to remember...
i've got nothing to worry about...
hahaha, so cheer up kid!
what the hell do you have to lose?
Just take one step at a time..
And soon you'll be there...
look back...
and realize.. Fuck...
you did that...
u_u i'm so sleepy..
this is taking so much out of me...
but fuck...
I can do it.. right?! =D
I've died once... i've been there and back...
So i know i can make it though this =)
Hope and prays bitch... hope and prayers.
I have a feeling... a fucking strong feeling...
that everything is going to work out for the best.
Because do you remember who you are?
I remember who you are..
you can take anything... and still fucking come out on top
I remember...
So cheer your ass up.. fucking emo kid...
You've just lost your strength... so lets get it back.. shall we?
hahahahaha
I'm so fucking excited
and thus i have been submerged...
<3 | | |
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Ugh, DoNt PlAy MiNd TrIcKs On Me
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